personal

At the Bat with my Brain

Hello, dear readers!

Lately, I’ve been on a mental roller coaster. I’ve gone from feeling great–like super confident, pumped, and in control–to feeling like I’m wallowing in quicksand. Every time I move, the thoughts in my brain would only drag me down further.

While I’m continuing to make more personal changes in my life–seeing that I eat healthier, wake up early like all “real” adults do, take more responsibility in my life (as in helping out around the house when/where I can)–it’s still an overall process.

Mental illness is something that I’ve come to learn isn’t something I struggle with on my own. I have close friends who fight with their own depression and anxieties of their own. I know kids my age who are living at home due to the severity of condition. While the world is cluing into mental illness, having this kind of sickness can make you think differently, especially if you’re suddenly feeling anxious or down.

To make this more understandable, and much simpler to grasp, let’s pretend you have a minor injury, something like a cut. While you could inform a friend or another adult that you suddenly have this cut on your arm, leg, or wherever, you don’t want to. For someone with depression, for example, outing this cut might make people view you differently. They might stereotype you, or misread your intentions as to how and why you have this cut. Some people may say you’re pointing out this cut on purpose, to get attention–when in reality, this cut (while minor in appearance)–is very painful to you. It’s important to note that people experience depression in various forms; no one’s depression is alike.

I’m not an expert on depression or anxiety, but I do know a little of what it’s like to have these mental illnesses.

Anxiety, on the other hand, makes you feel like you’re under a microscope. You over interpret a strange glance someone gives you at work–for all you know in your non-anxious, non-depressed state of mind, they could be drumming up a mental shopping list, or puzzling out something they read or heard during their lunch break.

For me, without getting too in-depth with my personal experience, anxiety makes me feel less confident. I question silly little things, or feel like I don’t fit in, or don’t have a purpose. Of course, when I’m not feeling sad or anxious, I know that these things my brain conjures up certainly aren’t true. In the moment, though, these thoughts seem to be true and pose very convincing to me.

Lately, I’ve been having a great time developing an interest in the novel I’m creating. I’ve tried my hand at fantasy genres before, but never science fiction. I also find it strange why movies always portray aliens–at least in the films I’ve seen and heard about–as the destructive, violent creatures from space. What if they cared about the Earth? What if, upon destroying their home planet, they came to Earth to ensure that we humans didn’t make the same mistakes?

I had a great time going to see the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film (you should totally go, it’s so good!) with my sister, Abbie, as well as hanging out with a couple of my female co-workers after work. I’m still enjoying coloring while watching Netflix; it’s just as good as knitting, but a little harder to do while watching foreign films.

I really hope to make more of a dent in this blog as well. I truly do love blogging, it’s such a wonderfully creative outlet.

Thanks for listening,

Meghan

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