Good evening, dear readers!
I’ve been tired on and off all day today. Instead of buying coffee like I wanted, I decided against it. After my 10:30 a.m. class, I felt more wide awake. I walked with my boyfriend to each of his prof’s respectable doors, waiting outside in the hall whenever he stopped and talked to them. We went and ate lunch with a couple of our mutual friends, Jacob and Leon, before parting ways. (I was done with classes for the day, and Rory needed to go to his last two classes of the day.)
Now, it’s almost 10:00 p.m. Rory went with a friend of his to Improv Club. I would’ve gone, but I still need to read Gretel Ehrlich’s Islands, the Universe, Home. That’s probably all I’ll get done in terms of homework tonight. I’ll have to work on reading more of Bastard out of Carolina tomorrow.
I realized that I am graduating in 87 days, or 2 months and 26 days.
Morris has been my home away from home for five years. I’ve enjoyed attending my classes. It will feel weird not needing to write a paper, at least for a while. I don’t plan to attend grad school. I still have no idea what I’m going to be doing after college.
The college fair is a week from this coming Friday. I learned from my lecture last night that I needed to have prepared an elevator pitch for the fair. I’m now seriously considering letting my mom drive me down, because otherwise I’ll stumble through this new experience. I’ll feel lost if I go there alone.
Now, I know that sounds like I’m just wanting my mom to hold my hand. But with her by my side, I’ll feel a little less freaked out about meeting various companies. Over the years, I’ve gained confidence and independence in ways that I wouldn’t have received if I hadn’t gone to Morris. (I knew that I wanted to go to college; Morris felt like a good fit for me.)
I’ve gone from calling home about what I should do on a Friday night to an adult who can make her own decisions. Even though I’ve gained life experience and confidence at Morris, I will continue to learn and grow after my time here in school. College life is structured, safe, and very stressful at times. The real world seems less predictable to me, a whole new set of tasks and problems that I’ll need to complete.
Some days, I worry that I haven’t retained enough information. Yes, I save all of my notes, but I don’t always have time to read through them. I doubt my abilities as an English major and a writer.
The wonderful thing about this dilemma is that I have support. My friends, family members, and my boyfriend all believe in me.
I just need to trust in myself and my skills. I also need to trust that God has a plan for me.